July 25
Expecng II: Wooden Horsie Takes Me Home
This was shot couple of weeks ago, when I was 7 month pregnant.
We found this wooden horse in a garage sale. It has an old timer quality to it, though we get it for our coming baby. It would be years before she can actually play with it. But it was clear to me that I have to get it.
It is not that I had one like this when I was a kid. But in my mind, I see clearly a scene in a photography shop. A kid is sititng on a wood horse in front a camera operated by a total stranger. Next to him, your parents with all their efforts said, "smile, come on, smile".
The wooden horse somehow seems like a time machine to me. It takes me back to home, Beijing, to YunNan, my husband's home, to Italy where we made this baby, to Brazil, where my film is showing next month. It will also travel forward into my baby's life, however far away it is yet to come.
giving birth to a life, also gives me a chance to revisit a familiar past, through a completely new journey. Past and future mixing together, his and mine mixing together, memory and dreams mixing together. Like a web, so many threads can be tied together. But time is still single directional, only moves forward. When my aging gives in to her growth. My sagging boobs in exchange to her rosy cheeck. Everything goes as anticipated, yet still gives you a fresh experience.
今天我骑上木马 木马它带我回家
这是我怀孕7个月的时候。
4月找到这个旧木马。虽然是小孩儿的玩具，可是好像跟自己有很多干系。
倒不是我小时候真有过这么一个木马。可是木马依然代表着童年的记忆。
在照相馆里，灯光下，对着陌生的摄影师，旁边爸妈很努力、满脸笑容地对你说“笑，笑一个”
木马那么一摇一摇的，好像可以摇到未来，摇到从前。
摇到我长大的胡同，我在北京的第一个家。
摇到云南，意外收获的故乡。
摇到蒙古草原，我记忆里想象中的童年。
摇到意大利，在那里，蝌蚪找到鸡蛋，
摇到巴西，我的电影下个月会在那里放映。
摇到未来，我的宝宝有一天会坐在上面。
摇到外婆桥，外婆的澎湖湾，姥姥家唱大戏。带不带我去？
因为生育，可以通过一个全新的生命，重温很多过去。以前和以后混在一起，他的和我的混在一起，记忆和梦想混在一起，这么一起一起在单向的时间里往前。很多的线头可以拉起来，系在一起。可是，时间还是在往前，往前。我的衰老屈从于她的成长，我的下垂的乳房变出她的红脸蛋。一切象预料的一样，可还是新鲜。
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